1
In ancient times, looting went like this: “I opened the mountain and PLANTED the tree. Want to live from now on, stay to buy road wealth!” What barbaric language! After thousands of years of civilization baptism, to the modern society, the language has become civilized intimate: “the front 500 meters toll station, please slow down, parking please collect the card, please pay, thank you for cooperation! Have a safe trip…”
How civilized and polite! The fact tells us: rascal is not terrible, afraid of rascal culture!
2
An old man is playing taijiquan in the park. One move is very powerful.
A young man saw envy: “uncle kung fu so good, how to practice?”
The old man said, “Ancestral kung fu! I’ll stand still and try hitting me as hard as you can! ‘
So the young man hit the old man hard, and… I’ve been wronged for fifty-six thousand!
On the road, remember three words:
Curiosity killed the cat!
Don’t die, don’t die!
Not now the old man is bad, but the former rascal are getting old!
The so-called: hero does not ask origin, rascal does not ask age! Ha ha
3
An old man said, “On that day, he broke my 72-way kung Ming fist with a dejection. Then I changed to hit the dragon eighteen palms, but he opened his right index finger and middle finger. It turned out that he used the six pulse shenjian shang Yang jian and zhong Chong Jian, and beat me one more. We can see the world martial arts restraint each other, the way of martial arts is mysterious!”
Young hear heart gallop dazzled, was about to ask, beside the old lady scold way: MB play a stone scissors cloth all say so majestic!
So the ability to say simple things is also a kind of ability, the company will tell a story, the stock price will come up; People can tell stories and jobs come up! Of course, to the layman, all this is nonsense!
4
Mom called me today to ask: children, August 15 this year is not a person?
I said: Mom, can you stop it? Do you know how many people are chasing me? I do it myself. I do it several times a day!
My mother said: children, mother is rare you this point, grow ugly, want to the United States, no one chase, but also can blow!
5
If you say that a college girl goes to a nightclub to serve drinks at night, it sounds bad, but if you say that a nightclub girl insists on attending college lectures during the day, it sounds positive.
So when you’re speaking, order is very important.
The young monk asked his master: Master, can I smoke while chanting the sutras? The master replied angrily: No.
The young monk asked again: What about chanting sutras when I was smoking? The master was very happy to hear that.
I want to sleep with you is a rascal, I want to get up with you is Xu Zhimo. Order really matters.
6
Reporter: big ye, your legs so nimble, spirit so exuberant, keep young secret is what?
Grandpa: get up early, greedy black, stay up late, three meals a day not on time!
Interviewer: Huh? What line of work are you engaged in?
Grandpa: I’m a conductor!
Reporter: that big ye this year high life?
The old man took a deep breath of smoke and looked to the sky: nearly 30!
1
I’ve liked a girl for a long time. One day in class, she was playing mobile phone, the teacher just came over, saw her conveniently put the mobile phone clip in the middle of the thigh, the teacher did not find. A few weeks later, she was playing with her phone in class again, and the teacher came over, and she did it again, and it fell on the floor, and it was taken away, and I didn’t like her anymore.
2
After the paper was handed out, the head teacher called my dad and the score was less than 90… It’s in the 20s. I think it’s debriefing, too. In the afternoon, I came home from school, and was hesitant to go in when I arrived at the door, only to hear the voice of my father, who was opening the live broadcast: “I use a feather duster for beer, I use a broom for a car, and I use a yacht for a mixed doubles… Thanks for the yacht sent by ’empty and lonely cold’, love you!
3
Contemporary man is obstinate, you ask him to put on hair wax? I’m pretty sure I didn’t. What? Are you ashamed of your hair wax? I’m pulling you on a motorcycle, AND I’m playing Eason Chan in front, and your hair is fucking cement, and it’s not moving at all…
4
The first time I brought my boyfriend home, he was very nervous and always afraid of saying the wrong thing. After dinner, the family sat chatting together. Boyfriend brain smoke of asked father 1: uncle your surname? Dad ha ha a smile to say with your girlfriend a surname ha. Later, mom quietly pulled me aside and said, “Is that brain okay?”
5
A female colleague went to her boyfriend’s house for dinner for the first time and asked me to pick her up on my night shift. Arrived downstairs call to her, see her help a wall to come out, ask: you zha support so? She blushed: Well, his parents ran away after dinner…
6
The disciple asked, “Master, you sometimes hit and call names, and sometimes you are polite to others. What’s the secret?” The master said, “If you treat a gentleman directly, you can beat him or scold him. The most metaphors for the average person should be measured. To the inferior, smile and fold your hands. He is weak and petty, and he is only fit for worldly courtesies!” Hearing this, the disciple suddenly slapped the master in the face. The master smiled and broke the disciple’s leg…
7
Mom and dad showed up at a family reunion on a scooter. After dinner, heavy rain. My father handed my umbrella to my mother and said to me, “Son! Come on! Let your mother hold an umbrella for you! You two go home on your scooter! Leave me alone!” My eyes moist, perhaps this is a father’s love. I got on the scooter with tears in my eyes, and before I had driven 20 meters with my mother, I saw my old father waving from the side of the road in the rearview mirror, “Taxi! Stop!”
8
Primary school PHYSICAL education to understand the rings, the teacher led us to the rings before: “children know what this is?” Of course, the children who have seen sports games know, say: “rings!” My brother is just the kind of person who can be there just to make up the number. The teacher said you should show them how to use it. The teacher picked up my brother, he grabbed a ring with both hands to think about it, and then the head to the ring in the drill……
9
The friend was fascinated by behavior psychology recently, take a bus with him today, see one fat brother side sit a small beauty, and that fat brother side body sit of, the friend say: “you see this elder brother one see be self-protection consciousness intense!” I said, “Nonsense! He’s a gentleman, I’m afraid the girl will take it the wrong way!” We were arguing when this guy slapped me and said, “You’re both wrong. I’m too fat to fit in!”
10
Today, 70 kilometers from downtown to town, the road was backed up for more than 10 kilometers. I had a bad time driving my motorbike, but in the middle of it a group of big brothers stopped me. Said to see you don’t block my heart block panic. I……