The journey of my mind
I graduated from my second school (outside the top 500 in China) for 6 years. I have changed jobs three times (less than one month is not counted) since graduation. During this period, I worked in small companies, B-round start-up companies and medium-sized traditional Internet companies. Along the way, I have experienced whimsical, self-inflated, busy and anxious. I was once frustrated and lost my passion for life. I did not stop to reflect and adjust myself until my child was born at home and took over outsourcing. Looking back on my growth path, I can divide it into the following three stages:
Stage one: Whimsical -> disillusionment
My first company after graduation was a small start-up company. I majored in software engineering in college and developed some Android software in college. It was relatively easy to find a job at that time, so I quickly got offers from several companies. In 2014, when the mobile Internet exploded, I often heard about how many thousands of users of certain APP and how much financing I had received. In addition, I was also too young too Simple at that time. I always dreamed that I could go public and win baifumei and become a winner in life (I don’t know if it was the aftereffect of watching too much chicken soup and learning crazy English in high school). Finally, I joined a start-up team with passion.
The company has just been established, the product has just been approved, has not received angel investment, the salary is lower than the other several; Although the company was immature in all aspects, I had a fearless spirit at that time. I always thought that our products would be used by many users after launch, and financing was just a matter of time. However, cruelly, after less than a month, the boss said to the team that the salary could not be paid any more. However, instead of giving up, we all decided to hold out until after the launch. From the first month, I experienced the bitterness of entrepreneurship, which made me become more stubborn.
Stayed in this company for 1 year and 8 months, the first half of the year basically did not get a job, the boss occasionally give two or three thousand is a living allowance, halfway even shameless to ask home for money twice. Recalling this experience, now all admire their own courage at that time, but a more accurate description is actually foolhardy, ignorant and fearless. Every month to pay the rent and living expenses are enough, during the period from family, friends, classmates borrowed nearly 30,000 yuan. Because the company has not received investment, the number of users is not optimistic, he began to gradually recognize the reality. When I left, my boss still owed 28,000 yuan in salary. Out of righteousness, I told my boss that I would give it to him if I had it and not if I didn’t have it (now I think it was really stupid at that time, since then, my boss never contacted me again, let alone about salary).
Soon after leaving this company, I joined a b-round startup company, whose mature products have also received financing from well-known investment institutions (Zhenge and Innovation Works). When I entered the company, my salary doubled, the team atmosphere was really good, and I was satisfied with the option incentive (I still had some illusions at that time). However, because the new hardware product cost a lot of money, but the market performance was not good, the company decided to downsize after working for one year. Although the company tried to retain me at that time, I had a clear understanding of the risks of starting a business, and finally decided to work for a stable company. So far start a business illusion completely disillusion, when screening a job steady word is in charge.
Stage 2: expansion, exhaustion -> frustration, loss, anxiety, confusion
During the job search, I gradually understood the importance of school, education background and previous work units to me. However, many first-line companies failed to realize my investment. In addition, my ability was not improved enough during the start-up period, and some very good opportunities were not grasped. In March 2017, I joined a new company. The company has been established for nearly 20 years, and has quite a good precipitation in the education industry. There are 50-60 people in r&d, plus their interest in the education industry. My previous entrepreneurial experience has changed my mentality and made me more serious and determined in my work. Thanks to the appreciation of my department leaders and company leaders, MY position and salary have also been promoted when I become a regular employee.
They say the way to destroy a man is to make him swell, and I guess I can relate to that. I have been working in the company for nearly half a year. Because the leader was optimistic about me, HE trained me in the direction of technical management. For a period of time, the leader put me in the architecture group to learn technology, and later he asked me to manage the Scrum team and serve as a CTO assistant. During my time in the architecture team, I had a lot of great talents around me and gained a lot indeed. It was during this period that expansion began to sprout slowly.
Later, I managed the team. At that time, the project was in the start-up stage, and I had to deal with a lot of cross-team communication and coordination every day, as well as some technical pre-research and implementation. Under such circumstances, there were many issues in conflict every day. On the one hand, I have to face the pressure of progress on the other hand, and on the other hand, I have to face the emotions of the team. During this period, I often worked overtime after work or on weekends, and even after work, my mind was still full of unsolved problems at work. Therefore, I often bring the mood from work to life. When I should enjoy life, I can’t really relax, and then I bring my tight brain to work, thus forming a vicious circle of emotion. The result is that one day I suddenly find that my hair has an obvious M-shaped tendency. At this time, I began to hate technical work, but I was confused because I didn’t know what to do except for technology.
This state lasted for more than half a year, and then I ushered in the important moment of my life: the arrival of the little angel. When my child was just born, I couldn’t keep up my daily energy, and for some other reasons, I decided to resign from the company WHERE I had worked for more than two years and take a rest for some time.
The third stage: identify yourself, explore the causes -> enlightenment, climb the slope
After resignation, I began to think about many questions, such as the cause of my emotional problems, whether I still have enthusiasm for technology, and how to go about my career plan in the future. Before I quit, I felt like I was starting to hate my tech-related work and wanted to switch careers to something I was interested in. However, when I calm down, I find that the real reason is not that I am not interested in technology, but psychological problems and low emotional intelligence, which lead to the imbalance between work and life. Once the imbalance occurs, it will bring more negative emotions. So take the time to look at some of the mental, emotional, and energy management of books (” native families “, “emotional intelligence”, “inferiority and beyond”, “control”, etc.), found native family and childhood experiences let oneself have an inferiority complex and psychological low eq, and too much chicken soup and missed the mind, which leads to their current psychological not mature enough. I was in the valley of despair.
Through these calm thinking, learning and adjustment, I found that I really like technical work when I considered my career plan again, so I made a study plan. Because I had many learning plans before, I even seemed to be very diligent in many cases, but I only learned the surface and the technical depth was not advanced enough. The analysis found that the root of the problem was my learning attitude. I used to study technology with a very utilitarian mentality, so I was eager to achieve success in the process and swallowed things without understanding. Then began to adjust the state of mind to calm and explore the root of the problem of the state of mind to learn. During this period, I not only chewed down all the books on underlying principles that I had tried and failed repeatedly, but also felt that the whole process was very interesting. Learning the knowledge that I had found difficult to chew was now as interesting as upgrading to fight monsters. At this point, I finally understand someone said: “do not always think about changing the job you are interested in, but to work as a hobby”.
During this period, a former colleague’s project needed to be optimized, and I was asked if I was interested in outsourcing, so I took it and became a freelance worker I had admired. After the change of mentality, my attitude towards technical work also changed, and I began to devote myself to this optimization. Before I took over the project, the experience of this project was very bad and severely delayed. After some time of investigation, reconstruction and optimization, it was basically comparable to the experience of the same project in a large factory. After working through the project, I realized that the technical improvement I gained from my full commitment to the outsourcing was greater than all my previous work accumulated.
In December 2019, independent outsourcing basically ended. I’m starting to plan for my job. I didn’t have many opportunities before, but I had no income with outsourcing (freelancing sounds comfortable, but no income when I’m in a gap), and I can’t wait for the gold, silver and gold in 2020. So I met several companies, in addition to the goose factory was brushed, the other several companies have received satisfactory offers, and finally chose a wholly-owned subsidiary of Ali. Although I failed to enter BAT, I also found that I had made a great improvement this time. The technology and platform of several offers are all very good, which is enough for me to upgrade and fight strange for a long time.
I have been working in the new company for a month now. I work hard at work, enjoy life seriously, and fully accompany my children and family. I have a good balance between work and life, and I have a positive, optimistic and healthy attitude.
Write in the last
In another year, I will enter my own thirty years, and I hope to establish a state of mind before the arrival of thirty years, I believe that the state of mind can make people live more free and easy and calm. To pursue the ideal, not for fame and wealth, to seek peace, not for ease; Free spirit, independent thinking, neither servile nor pushy, not busy, not dry and confused.