In this paper, source | bytes
1. Why use OKR for dating
There are so many ways to find a partner, why use OKR to get rid of a single? Xiaobian in line with the most pragmatic and honest attitude to answer:
Because OKR works.
OKR (Objectives & Key Results), developed in Silicon Valley, is a goal management tool used by Intel, Google, Oracle, etc. Today toutiao has also developed a set of OKR system by itself, and all staff make OKR once every two months.
OKR has gained popularity among tech companies around the world for several reasons:
OKR is self-directed, aligning personal and corporate goals;
OKR is adjusted regularly to keep flexible in the face of environmental changes;
OKR encourages innovation, is not tied to performance appraisal, and is inclusive of business risk, which is conducive to unleashing creativity and pioneering zero-to-one work…
The same applies to finding a partner:
Finding a partner should be driven by self-motivation, not pressure from close friends and family;
It is difficult to find an object in one move, the process of finding need to adjust the target flexibly according to the environment;
Finding a partner is a process of getting to know yourself gradually. You may have to find out what kind of person you are suitable for while you are searching. It is not only impossible to use the experience of others for execution, but also requires imagination and creativity.
You may also want to know why I can’t just settle down and wait for fate to come to me. Instead, I introduce OKR management thinking to find a partner. Is it utilitarian to pursue love in this way?
First of all, if you accept that excellence is a scarce resource, it’s easy to fall behind if someone does something and you don’t.
Secondly, many people are “passive single”. They have a strong desire to get rid of the single, but they are trapped in social circle and have no partner. In this case, we should face reality and change it, take the initiative to break the deadlock.
Thirdly, finding a partner, especially finding a marriage partner, is complicated and teamwork is difficult. Because one person’s efforts are not enough, the whole family, colleagues, friends and classmates often need to be mobilized to complete the task.
Therefore, we do not advocate passive love of “waiting and waiting”, after all, you are facing a complex project with fierce competition.
With this reality in mind, let’s take a page from our work experience — OKR works for large companies, let alone small organizations. Facing the concern of friends and relatives, it is better to skillfully use their goodwill to solve the single problem.
How to use OKR correctly?
To find objects with OKR, you need to understand the proper use of OKR.
OKR is not a trivial to-do list, what matters is the “Objective”, not the process and action performed. So what we’re describing is the “end state” — finding an ideal match, as opposed to the usual “business-as-usual” — of going on a blind date.
A person looking for an object, foothold is always “looking for”, maintain a high frequency of blind date, may be busy for half a year or a lonely one. When you don’t find the perfect partner, it’s possible that you spend so much time and energy looking that you forget to think about the key question — how to define and quantify your “ideal partner.”
Instead of spending a lot of time on blind dates, try to define Objective carefully and go for it with a sense of purpose. In order to write Objective well, there are a few basic principles to follow:
1. Be specific and specific: Describe what your partner looks like
Clearly defining goals is the first and most critical step in implementing OKR.
We want to define and quantify your “ideal” as much as possible through some characteristics, so that others can perceive it. Suppose you want to find an object with a common language:
O1: Find someone I can talk to
O2: Find someone with similar experiences, interests and good communication skills
Obviously, O2 is more specific than O1, and others can easily get what you want. O2 may indeed exclude a small number of candidates with different experiences and interests, but in the process of information transmission, we should give consideration to both content and expression efficiency, grasp the biggest fundamentals, and express candidly and clearly.
Here’s another tip to share. Think about people you liked or admired in the past. Do they have anything in common, interests in common, or special experiences?
If you didn’t have a crush on someone in the past, is there a moment in your memory that touched you, what the situation was like, what qualities they displayed that struck you?
Extract these common features, and it’s almost like a user portrait of your target. Follow the target image so that the other person will know which direction to go with you.
2, aggressive goals: don’t easily give up their ideal type
OKR is goal-driven and encourages people to set aggressive and challenging goals.
Unlike KPIs, OKR requires us to step out of our “comfort zone”, preferably with some stress in the process, but with enough effort it is possible. An OKR that is easily 100 percent completed has little impetus. If 100 percent completed is a full score of 1, and 0.7 is achieved through hard work, then the goal is reasonably set.
Finding a partner is not to complete the task, we do not need to compromise in order to quickly achieve the goal, adhere to the ideal in mind, and strive to carry out, even if there is a deviation from the goal, there will not be too much regret.
Besides, no one is perfect in this world, and what suits you is the best. To complete 70% of the radical goal is a good start.
Love is not a single investment or choice, and the one that performs best at first may not stand the test of time. Love is a marathon, two people together through running-in, hard management, and finally will harvest more than expected results.
3. Make your goals public: Let people around you know your goals and expectations
At Bytedance, everyone’s OKR, including Yiming’s, is made public in order to achieve synergy and a common goal across the team. When communicating across departments, it is easy to know what the other party is doing, and information transparency and flow efficiency are greatly improved.
In the same way, don’t be shy about telling people what you want to do, and don’t exude the “I’m fine by myself, I don’t need anyone at all.”
Xiaobian has a friend, every time I know an excellent opposite sex, no matter whether the other party is single or not, I will sincerely ask the other party to introduce myself to the other party, and tell the other party my criteria for choosing a spouse very clearly.
His logic is simple: if this person is good, he must be surrounded by other people who are also good. Finally, the friend really through the introduction of just know the ideal lover, single efficiency amazing.
So when you have a strong sense of purpose, the people around you will also be affected, even if they do not have a qualified candidate to introduce you, in the future when they meet a qualified single young man, they will think of you at the first time.
A person’s personal network resources are always limited. Only by letting more people know your goal well, can you effectively cooperate with external forces to accomplish your goal.
4. Key achievements support the achievement of goals
O (goal) describes what you want to accomplish, and KR (Key Achievement) describes how you are going to get there.
Don’t have too many KRS, preferably no more than three, list only the most immediate key results, and avoid the “KRS are all done, but the goal is not achieved” situation.
In the same way, we have to form a closed loop to find objects, so KR can’t be done, O hasn’t been done yet. A complete OKR would look something like this:
O: Find someone with similar experiences, interests and good communication skills
KR1: Find x preliminarily meet the requirements and establish contact with them through active search or recommendation by relatives and friends
KR2: Define the object, transfer from online communication to offline interaction, enhance mutual understanding through eating, watching movies and other activities, and ensure a stable daily and monthly life
KR3: Further understanding, blending three views and habits, establishing a comfortable mode of getting along with each other, and ensuring long-term retention over 90 days
OKR is a tool for improving execution. KR may not seem like much, but in practice, every step is not easy.
First, after extracting the common characteristics of the person you’ve had a crush on, you may find that your defined ideal is nowhere near you.
That’s when you have to look and think about what kind of population the ideal type that meets these characteristics might be present in high density.
Others find their ideal type but don’t make it together, perhaps because the KR implementation goes wrong later:
Like each other, repeatedly poke to see each other’s profile picture, lack of hooking up courage;
Have no confidence in themselves, only dare to flirt online, dare not ask out to meet;
Make a date and focus on showcasing your excellent business skills while ignoring your partner’s real need to find a loving spouse.
When interacting with someone, you don’t know how to give, you only know how to take, and vice versa…
Along the way, we also need to know yourself. It’s possible that the person you initially thought you were targeting is not the right person for you, so you need to review and adjust the direction of OKR flexibly.
In addition to matching the needs of both parties with empathy, we should constantly improve the interface as much as we can to improve the flow of interaction. After all, no one will be offended by a clean image and sincere communication.
If you are not sure whether your behavior is satisfying the KR key outcome, try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. If someone else were grading, would they give me the same grade?
Internet companies are most afraid of making products whose functions do not match users’ needs. In love, we also need to reduce our ego, so as to avoid what you think is funny and humorous, but in fact others think it is too glib.
In short, love is in front of an endless rapids, every warrior to wade in the past, may be drowned in any of the links. The introduction of OKR system and the mobilization of various forces to jointly dismantle the key results may really be a solution of “single”.
3. What if OKR doesn’t help me find a date?
To overcome the “single” problem, we also need to be resilient.
You may have worked hard for two months, but you still failed to find the target with clear goals and high execution completion. Please do not be discouraged, review again, adjust flexibly according to the direction, and continue to work hard for the next two months.
But rest assured, no one is really going to judge you against OKR when it comes to finding a partner. OKR helps us get out of our comfort zone, reminding us of what is most important and motivating us to keep moving in that direction.
Finally, I wish every single person brave and resourceful, I hope you find your own happiness in this spring.